DEAR DEIDRE: I SUSPECT my girlfriend has been cheating on me with her lesbian friend.
Ever since she started spending a lot of time with this woman, things have gone downhill in our relationship.
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My girlfriend is 33 and I’m 35. We’ve been living together for four years and, until recently, were discussing marriage and children.
But about six months ago, something changed. It was like someone had switched off a light bulb in our relationship.
My girlfriend stopped wanting sex, became less affectionate, and then moved out of our bedroom. Her excuse was that she needed more sleep and that I hogged the duvet.
Then she started saying she had doubts about our future, even though she did love me. She just “needed time” to work out what she wanted.
This all coincided with the arrival on the scene of her old college friend, who had just moved back to our city after a break-up with her long-term partner.
This friend, 34, came out as gay about five years ago.
Since her return, my girlfriend has been seeing her two or three times a week, and messaging her every day.
She claims she is helping her because she’s in a state, but I think there’s more going on.
My girlfriend has never had an attraction to women before, as far as I know. But she seems too close to this woman.
On her birthday, her friend sent her a card in which she wrote “I love you, you mean the world to me.”
My girlfriend didn’t put it on the sideboard with her other cards, I found it in her bag.
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If this was a guy we were talking about, I’m sure I’d have confronted her about having an affair, and we’d probably be over.
Am I being played for a fool? Is my girlfriend bisexual? Should I ban her from seeing her friend? Help!
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DEIDRE SAYS: Banning your girl-friend from seeing her friend won’t sort out the issues in your relationship. It’s only likely to make things worse.
The timing could be a coincidence – you have no proof that anything is going on, or that this relationship is sexual.
It’s possible your girlfriend could be spending time with her friend to avoid dealing with any problems in your relationship. She may be confiding in her.
If you want to sort this out, you need to have a heart-to-heart and be honest with each other.
Say you are concerned and want to make things right again. Ask what you can do to change things.
My support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, shows you how to build trust between you and work on your life as a couple.
