DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE never had consensual sex after being abused as a teenager.
Now I’m 22 and have met a lovely boyfriend, who is 23.
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We have been together nearly a year and he knows about my past and under-stands I’m scared of sex.
Next month is our first anniversary so we were planning a weekend away.
I was really looking forward to it until he casually said he would never force sex.
Why would he say that?
Now I’m considering cancelling the weekend.
I’ve explained I don’t know if I will ever be able to have intercourse and it will take me a long time to build up the confidence.
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His answer was he could wait a maximum of six months!
Now I feel like there’s a clock ticking away in the background the whole time and it’s stressing me out.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your boyfriend may have tried to reassure you that he would never want to jeopardise your trust but unfortunately his blunt words have had the opposite effect.
You would certainly benefit from talking to a counsellor who can help you deal with your trauma – something you will need to do before you can move on to a fulfilling sexual relationship.
Explain to him a time limit is not helpful but reassure him you are getting support in overcoming the abuse.
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Please get in touch with Tavistock Relationships who can help you (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1960).
