Those who’ve tuned into “Bachelor in Paradise” or “Love Island” know just how brutal the free-for-all dating scene can get, and for Madelyn “Juicy” Rusinyak, “Temptation Island” was no different. While in front of the camera, Rusinyak embraced the experience with everything she had — it was awkward at first, she told us, but definitely worth it.

“[It was] uncomfortable to be like, ‘Hey, could I grab you for a conversation?’ I never thought I would say that, but I caught myself saying that,” Rusinyak told us, “like, ‘Hey, let’s go talk. Let’s go talk somewhere else.'” It’s a bold move that looks a lot easier on camera than it actually is in person. Rusinyak further explained that she just had to embrace the experience and accept “drinking the Kool-Aid,” because “the whole thing was crazy.”

“I would watch TV and be like, ‘God, that’s so dramatic,’ and then I was on the show and I was like, ‘I’m feeling all these things I’ve never felt before, and I don’t want to look like a psycho on camera, but I also want to look like myself,'” Rusinyak said. “I don’t want to look fake. I’d rather look psycho and desperate than be fake.”

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