Billie Lourd is no stranger to tragedy. On December 27, 2016, she lost mom Carrie Fisher after a sudden cardiac event. Eerily enough, the next day, grandmother Debbie Reynolds also tragically died of a stroke. Five years after Fisher’s death, however, Lourd has taken to Instagram to honor her late mother.

“People always ask me what stage of grief I’m in. And my answer is never simple. I’m in a different stage of grief in each moment of every day. My grief is a multi course meal with many complicated ingredients,” Lourd candidly revealed, sharing a throwback of her and Fisher with a koala. “An amuse bouche of bargaining followed by an anger appetizer with a side of depression, acceptance for the entree and of course a little denial for dessert.”

She added that “that’s how grief should be – all things all at once – actually there is no ‘should’ in grief – grief just is whatever it is for you and that is how it ‘should be.'” Lourd also clarified for those “wondering why I’m posting this on the 26th it’s the 27th here down unda (aka Tomorrowland) so what better thing to post for my Momby’s Australian death anniversary (4 words I never thought I’d be putting next to each other?!?) than this picture of her and I with a koala!?” Lourd then concluded by sending “my love to anyone out there who needs it.”

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