DEAR DEIDRE: DISCOVERING my fiancé cheated on me with a woman in her sixties has left me so insecure.
I’m 31 and my fiancé is 36. It hurts that he turned to someone more than 30 years older than me.
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It began when our neighbour’s car broke down in our street and my fiancé helped her.
Apparently she was very grateful.
He began regularly popping around to help her with DIY.
At the same time, he started going to the gym and taking care of what he ate, even cutting back on the beers.
Then he told me he wasn’t attracted to me any more.
He said my body was a turn-off and he prefered to pleasure himself.
We were both heavy when we met.
Back then it wasn’t a problem, as we agreed we both liked a fuller figure.
I’ll admit I have gained a lot more weight since and am now classed as morbidly obese.
I became depressed after my mum died of a heart attack when I was 25. I have never come to terms with her death.
I just can’t get over it.
Food is the only thing that seems to comfort me. I’m trying my best to lose weight but it’s so hard.
I was suspicious of this neighbour and my fiancé but he always denied it, accusing me of being “sick”.
So the next time he went to her place, I followed 30 minutes later.
She took ages to come to the door and finally answered in a dressing gown looking very flustered.
I was devastated but relieved when he finally admitted everything.
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We are still together for the sake of our two-year-old daughter and he insists he has finished the affair.
But he’s so resentful towards me.
He shouts and swears at me all the time. I feel sad a lot of the time. I’m existing, not living.
DEIDRE SAYS: Swearing and using words that hurt, belittle or put you down is emotional abuse.
He is the one responsible for wrecking your relationship.
He’s shown you no respect and lied to you.
You deserve better than this.
My support pack Abusive Partners? explains more.
What will make you feel better almost immediately is to take control of your life.
Lose the extra weight – not because of your fiancé’s cruel comments but because it would be great for your well-being.
Ask your GP for an eating and exercise plan.
Emotional eating after the death of a loved one, is a very common side-effect of bereavement but it is not too late to seek support.
My support pack Coping With Bereavement will help you too.
