DEAR DEIDRE: I walked in on my wife and her step brother getting physical in our garage during our house warming party. I’m absolutely furious and humiliated all at the same time.

My wife and I have been together for 13 years and married for ten.

I stumbled in on my wife and her step brother hastily pulling down her dress and buckling up his belt


I stumbled in on my wife and her step brother hastily pulling down her dress and buckling up his belt

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She and her sister have always flirted with their step brother ever since he came into our lives, but I ignored it thinking it was just a silly joke.

After all, we have two children and I thought – a happy marriage.

We all met Sam four years ago when my wife’s mum met her new husband. 

I’m 38, my wife is 35 and her step brother is 34. 

He’s never been married, or had kids, and always seems to have a different woman on the go. I liked him straight away, he’s good fun, enjoys a drink and is the life and soul of the party.

We had a big house warming a couple of months ago and invited lots of family and friends. It turned into a really late night with lots of dancing on the table and the shot glasses came out.

When a friend suggested we crack open the karaoke I jumped up to find the speakers and microphones – I knew roughly where they were in the garage.

But as I went to open the garage door, something was jamming it. One big shove later and I stumbled in on my wife and her step brother hastily pulling down her dress and buckling up his belt.

It was obvious what I had interrupted. I couldn’t think straight and backing out returned to the party mumbling that it was a mess in there and I couldn’t find the karaoke gear.

I slept in the spare room that night and couldn’t talk to my wife for days after.

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Eventually, she cornered me, insisting we speak. She begged me to forgive her insisting they didn’t actually have sex and blaming the drink. 

My head’s a mess and I want to forgive her and move on but I don’t know how.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Drink can certainly break down our inhibitions but your wife has to take responsibility for her actions and properly apologise.

If you are going to be able to move forward she needs to show you how sincere she is and start to be a lot more respectful of you. 

That means no more flirting with her step brother. She needs to change that relationship immediately to prove herself to you.

It sounds like you both want to get your marriage back on track so talk about what you can do to stop taking each other for granted and start putting one another first.

Please contact Tavistock Relationships (, 020 7380 1960) who will help you both to put this behind you.

NEXT IN TODAY’S DEAR DEIDRE Should I leave my husband who couldn’t care less for our son?

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