DEAR DEIDRE: I SO wanted 2022 to be a better year – but my husband has left me for the second time and now my life is in tatters.
We have been married for 15 years and together for 19. I’m 45, he’s 47 and we have a grown-up son.
1
For more advice from Dear Deidre
No issue is too small, too large or too embarrassing. Read our personal replies here.
Six months ago, my husband told me he was unhappy and had met someone else — a colleague’s sister.
He said he felt our relationship had grown stale and that he was too young to give up on passion.
I had noticed that his behaviour had changed — he’d become withdrawn and he’d lost weight — but I never suspected an affair.
I actually thought he might be ill and was worried about him. More fool me.
He quickly moved out of our house and in with his lover. But he couldn’t quite let go, and I wasn’t strong enough to resist because I still loved him.
He would message with no reason and visit when our son was over.
He admitted he missed our friendship. Then two months ago, we shared a bottle of wine and fell into having sex again.
Even though I’m the one who is still legally married to him, I felt dirty, like I was his mistress.
Although, if I’m honest, I did get pleasure from knowing he was now cheating on his new woman and that he couldn’t let me go.
But more than anything, I hoped he’d come to his senses, beg for forgiveness and move back with me.
Last week, he came over to say he’d decided to spend New Year’s Eve with her and that I would have to go on the holiday we’d planned alone. He said he was sorry to hurt me again but it was the end for us.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
I don’t know whether I’m coming or going and I can’t stop crying. My friends say I must file for divorce and end things once and for all.
But I don’t know how to live without him in my life.
Most read in Dear Deidre
DEIDRE SAYS: The pain will ease and you will realise that life is better without this man.
He is a walking midlife crisis cliché. He doesn’t know what or who he wants, and you deserve so much better. Don’t let him hurt you again.
Resolve to be strong and make it clear you’re not his fall-back option.
My support pack on Addictive Love will show you why he is such a hard habit to break.
I think you would benefit from some counselling to help you work through your feelings.
Relate.org.uk and www.tavistockrelationships.org both offer online counselling.
If you decide divorce is the way to go, my support pack, Thinking Of Divorce, will give you the tools you need to get the process started
