DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife demanded so much sex during lockdown I took a job to escape her.
She wanted sex at least three times a day, every day. That was fun for a month or two but I grew to dread it.
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I’m 42, she’s 39, and we have been married for ten years, with no kids.
We always had a good sex life but I’m not as young or as virile as I used to be. However, her libido has shot up in recent years.
When the first lockdown came, I got made redundant while she was furloughed.
She took to dressing up in sexy clothes and putting on full make-up. She’d parade around the house like that, making eyes at me.
If I tried to read the paper on the sofa, she’d come and sit on my lap and start touching me.
She’d tell me fantasies she’d always had and suggest we tried new positions or use sex toys she ordered online.
If I said I wasn’t in the mood or was tired, she’d call me lazy or try to make me feel guilty.
She also expected me to make her constant cups of tea or do jobs around the house for her.
I felt used, worn down and miserable, so when a mate told me about a job on a local building site, I took it just to get away.
She accepted my job because we needed the money. But now that work has come to an end, I’m going to be back at home with her again.
I’m dreading having to live up to her demands.
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She’s already started talking about trying a threesome with a neighbour, which is something that doesn’t appeal to me at all.
I know some men would think I’m living the dream but for me it’s a nightmare. I love her but I’m on the brink of leaving.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife’s sexual demands are extreme and I wonder if she is using sex to mask a deeper unhappiness.
Nobody should feel bullied into sex. If you don’t want to have a threesome – or anything else in bed you do not enjoy – you must tell her.
My support pack on threesomes will give you more information about this.
You need to sit down and talk about the issues in your sex life and how to solve them. My Standing Up For Yourself support pack will help you communicate with her better.
Make it clear you can’t continue like this. Ask if she will consider some couples’ counselling.
Online help is available from Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1960).
