SO Matt Hancock was “in love” and said this week that his affair was something that was out of his control — oh well, that’s all right, all is forgiven.
Except it’s not, is it? Maybe “being in love” with his former aide Gina Coladangelo would make it more understandable if it were true.
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But was he in love when it started? I wonder.
As a woman who knows how it feels to be cheated on, I was enraged when I listened to the former Health Secretary, 43, attempt to explain away his affair on a podcast.
Hancock admitted breaching social-distancing rules after being caught on camera in a passionate embrace with his university pal-turned-colleague at the Department of Health.
But the MP rebuked Steven Bartlett, host of The Diary Of A CEO podcast, for implying the relationship was only “casual sex”.
Hancock said: “I haven’t had casual sex with anybody — I fell in love with somebody.”
With that, many took to Twitter to express their disapproval.
One poster, Nathaniel Tapley, wrote: “The most romantic thing about Hancock is how he thinks when you’re in love you have no control over your actions. As if love were a fungal spore that settles in your brain, takes control of your motor neurones and forces you to climb up a leaf and explode.”
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I couldn’t agree more. Using the loaded word “love” whiffs of the classic scenario of the guilty party trying to make himself — or herself — feel less guilty.
The reality is that, in most cases, an affair is about having your cake and eating it.
I split from my former husband, the television host Chris Tarrant, 15 years ago after his long-standing affair with a teacher.
I’d had my suspicions. I just thought he had changed, the shape of our marriage had gone wonky.
I’d asked him: “Are you having an affair?”
He looked me dead in the eyes and said: “No.”
But a private investigator uncovered I was right.
In the Press he said the affair “didn’t mean anything” and he still loved me. But it was too late.
It was the lying that shocked me most. I couldn’t live with that and, with the blessing of my children, started divorce proceedings. So our 16-year marriage ended.
I split from my former husband, the television star Chris Tarrant, 15 years ago after his long-standing affair with a teacher. I had had my suspicions. I just thought he had changed, the shape of our marriage had gone wonky. His attitude towards me had changed. If I said it was cold, he would say it was hot.
Ingrid Tarrant
It had mostly been happy and we had been together seven years before tying the knot in 1991.
We had Sammy and Toby, who were 18 and 15 at the time of our split, and he had become a father figure to the children from my first marriage, Dexter, then aged 26, and Fia, 22.
It is a heart-wrenching decision to break up a marriage. It affects everything from your status in society to your reputation, to your relationships with friends. But I could see no other way.
Years later, my former husband still didn’t understand what the fuss was about. He reportedly said the affair had left “no dead bodies” and he “couldn’t understand why this continues to be news”.
People often ask me whether I’d expected him to come clean when I asked if he was having an affair. Of course I did. If he had admitted it and said: “I’m so sorry, yes I am. I feel so guilty,” I would have had more respect.
Everyone has a conscience and they can do the right thing. But sadly the truth tends to come out only when the cheat is caught red-handed — until that point, they enjoy the best of both worlds, regardless of the consequences.
Unfortunately, men like Hancock are cowards. They are too selfish, too egotistical, to think it through.
They use the word “love” flippantly — perhaps thinking that is what resonates with women, but women have a deeper, more romantic, understanding of what true love really is.
Love is doing the right thing by the person you have made vows to, the person you have committed to spend the rest of your life with.
Love is being able to nip an affair in the bud, instead of letting it tear a family apart. How must the betrayed person feel hearing the word thrown around like confetti?
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My ex’s relationship with his mistress did not continue after it was exposed, it was “meaningless”.
I can only imagine what it’s been like for Hancock’s wife Martha Millar and their three children. It must be beyond heartbreaking for them hearing his latest words.
After my marriage ended I lost two stone, I couldn’t eat, my hair was falling out and I developed an abscess in my mouth.
I looked back at the big special occasions in our marriage and realised they were all moments he was cheating. You feel conned into thinking your relationship was real, when in fact it was a hollow act. An affair cheapens everything you value in a relationship.
It’s as if it is so disposable — which is exactly what a marriage is not, and for the children it is absolutely not. It shatters them — their parents are their world.
You go into marriage wanting the same thing, a union that you believe is for ever. If one party no longer feels the same, how civilised would it be if they could both have an honest discussion and decide to “un-marry” or “un-couple”.
That’s idealistic, but what a civilised way to do it.
Since the breakdown of my marriage I haven’t had a relationship and have been celibate. I don’t need a man to be happy. Some women cling to toxic marriages or jump from divorce straight into a new relationship but, in my opinion, that’s not wise.
“Time is a great healer” as they say and I’m sure Hancock’s wife will soon realise that. He played it so wrong and made it so much worse by doing this crass interview.
We can all relate to being hurt. Had he shown an ounce of remorse, and been genuinely apologetic, accepting responsibility for his own actions, maybe he could have clawed back a bit of respect.
Of course, I would never say what he did was acceptable, but had he been more contrite I could have been more understanding.
But that’s not what cheaters do. They act first, think later, then attempt to talk their way out of it.
Additional reporting: Yasmin Harisha
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