Prince Andrew says he can’t sweat but he’d work his way through three cans of Lynx Africa if he could

I WONDER if Prince Andrew still can’t sweat?

That might be a slight relief to him at the moment.

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Because anybody else would be working their way through three cans of Lynx Africa, if they were facing what that sack of meat with mittens is facing.

One of the most senior members of our Royal Family faces an underage sex case showdown in an American court this September. Lovely, huh?

Especially for HM The Queen in her Platinum Jubilee Year. Rather marvellously, Liz is still soldiering on at the age of 95.

How she must wish the last five years could be scrubbed from history, as disaster after disaster has befallen her family and the institution of the monarchy itself.

Bad enough to have those grasping, witless, privileged airheads Harry and Meghan attacking the Royal Family every few minutes. And continually spouting drivel.

But now her son — her favourite son, supposedly — is to have all of his dirty laundry washed in public. And then spin-dried in front of a gleeful media.

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His rather grubby attempts to have the civil case against him from Virginia Giuffre thrown out has failed.

Even a block of wood like Andrew must have known this was highly likely.

Although he seems to be a man of such incredible arrogance and denseness that maybe it never occurred to him.

Giuffre claims Andrew slept with her three times, and that she was coerced into having sex with him, when she was 17 years old and hanging out with the paedophile Jeffrey Epstein and the ghastly Ghislaine Maxwell.

Andrew was a mate of Epstein’s. He remained a friend even after Epstein’s appalling sex crimes came to light. None of that will look very good before a court.

So now he has a choice. He can try to settle out of court. Giuffre’s lawyers insist she will not be bought off in such a manner.

But we’ll see about that. Money talks and I suspect it will talk to Ms Giuffre — who is not the most believable of witnesses.

But if he does settle, it will cost him upwards of four million quid. The moron is strapped for cash. He’d probably have to scrounge the dosh from his mum.

BEYOND BLEAK

One way or another it’ll be public money involved somewhere along the line.
There will be fury if Andrew is seen to pay off his accuser with taxpayers’ money.

But what happens if he doesn’t settle? It will be the court case of the century. Either way, the situation looks beyond bleak for Andy.

If the case goes against him it could well mean he will face criminal charges. Yes, things just get worse and worse.

Whatever happens, it is the end of Prince Andrew as a working member of the Royal Family.

He will live out his days in the twilight zone where they shove disgraced royals.

Because even if he wins against Giuffre, the case will still mean TMI as far as Andrew is concerned — WAY too much information. Andrew is no great loss to us.

But the Royal Family does appear to be coming apart at the seams. I wonder if, five years from now, we will still have a monarchy.

BBC in sorry state

WHAT has happened to the many vibrant anti-Semites recently purged from the Labour Party?

Evidence is growing that they have joined another rapidly declining far-left organisation, the BBC.

The corporation has still failed to apologise for a news report in which it asserted, wholly wrongly, that Jewish teenagers attacked by Muslims on a bus had provoked the incident by shouting “Muslim slurs”.

Various investigations have proved they did no such thing.

The furore has led to demonstrations outside Broadcasting House and one prominent Jewish broadcaster, Rabbi YY Rubinstein, resigned from the corporation in disgust.

A legal complaint has been brought but the BBC says: “We will be unable to substantively further progress your legal complaint until you identify your clients.’”

An attempt, one assumes, to intimidate the kids into dropping their complaint and forgetting all about it.

Full of hot air

IT was very kind of the energy company Ovo to let people know how to keep warm without using too much expensive gas.

Do some star jumps, customers were advised. Maybe put on a jumper.

Both excellent ideas. But how about turning the people in the Ovo PR department into long-lasting synthetic fuel logs?

That would keep us all warm for a while.

Reaching boring new depths of yawn tennis

I’VE often wondered if there was anything more boring than tennis.

Now I’ve discovered there is. Wondering if a tennis player has filled in his visa forms correctly is even more boring than tennis.

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But what a bloke for the anti-vaxxers to have as a poster boy – Novak Djokovic.

His dingbat medical views are dumber than those held by Prince Charles.

Anyway, while we’re on the subject of tennis – I wonder if the lovely Emma Raducanu will ever win another match?

Still a lie, Jezza

SCIENTISTS knew that Covid was leaked from a lab in Wuhan, China.

But they deliberately closed down the debate.

They feared it would harm the international effort to fight the pandemic. And cause disunity.

This has all been made clear in a series of emails between Sage expert Sir Jeremy Farrar and his American colleagues.

Farrar admitted privately that the virus probably had leaked from the Chinese lab.

But in public he denounced the notion as a “conspiracy theory”.

No good ever comes from refusing to tell the truth, Jezza.

No matter how well intended the lie, it is still a lie.

A head in the polls

A NEAT piece of niche electioneering from South Korea.

Democratic Party presidential candidate Lee Jae-myung says the state should pay for hair-loss treatment.

Lee is not himself bald – indeed he has a rather magnificent quiff – but 14 per cent of Korean males are losing their hair.

And they all have votes, those people.

It reminds me of the West Country Conservative MP back in the 1980s whose name sadly escapes me, who on the eve of an election demanded reduced telephone charges for people who stammered.